Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Pushing forward sitting still

I've been trying to make an effort to walk to the school every day to pick Monkey up. But one day I had a meeting and didn't have time to walk all the way back home to get my car so I drove. It's been chilly and I didn't want to make Monkey walk in the cold weather. Yesterday, it was supposed to rain. Today, I just plain didn't feel like it.

I knew when I started this that my feet and knees were going to hurt. I'm literally standing all day at my current clinical site (we're not allowed to sit in the rooms while we wait for patients, and since it's such a slow hospital most of the day is spent standing in one position while we pray for someone to need a testable xray), so that's  enough of a cause for my feet to hurt right there. But add on the fact that I'm 50(ish) pounds overweight and it makes it even worse.

I know this. I know what it's like to not feel that pain when I first step out of bed in the morning because I'm not putting too much weight on them. I know what it's like not to want to cry when I step on the scale. But because I do have that pain and I do want to cry when I step on the scale, I'm depressed as hell.

I'm eating a LOT of fruits and veggies. I'm going to try to do Weight Watchers with my crit partner Elise (who's lost quite a bit of weight already!) and I'm going to join that stupid gym even if it kills me (and it might - financially, anyway). And tomorrow, I'm going to walk to the school and maybe on Thursday when I don't have to be at school early, I might even walk Monkey TO school instead of just FROM school.

This weight will not beat me.

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