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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Progress

I have some good news!!!!! The masses they found are NOT cancer. One appears to be a certain type of tumor that will continue to grow and never go away so I may have to have it removed but the doctor is still waiting on some results regarding that. 


Here are my stats this week:

Starting weight: 210 lb

Last week: 193.2 lb

This week: 192.2 lb


Total inches lost: 19"


I hope your having a great week. I am feeling much better now that I got my results back.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Weekly Progress and Random Ramblings.

I posted once before about my love of the Daily Burn iPhone app. I slacked for a long time, bouncing around from eating clean to back to weight watchers.... but I am back with Daily Burn. The truth is, it is the easiest to use and the online account is free if you are happy with the basic features. It has been upgraded and improved a great deal since I last talked about it so take a look. If you are like me and want even more features, they have Pro Lite and Pro plans that you can sign up for a small fee and even get a discount on.

Anyway, one of the things I like about my Pro account is the integration with iCal/google calendar. You can plan your meals, plan your workouts, add notes, etc. It also gives you a quick visual of your week. What my visual tells me? I'm not sure I'm eating enough considering the calories I burned last week. I need to work on that this week. Eating more, healthier foods.

I stepped on the scale briefly this morning to see I was only down 0.4 pounds this week. That seems entirely too little for as much as I worked out, sigh. Technically my weigh in day is tomorrow so I'm not recording until then. I also started a low hormone birth control pill and I'm concerned that will have an effect on my progress... I definitely am a moody moody girl this week.

To end this post on a good note. I remembered to take and record my measurements and did see some progress from last time I took them. Also, my triceps feel pretty kick ass this morning.

I've got a stressful week this week with exams and homework, wish me luck that I don't eat myself into a coma trying to avoid it.

Friday, March 25, 2011

I have many names

I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a student. I am an employee. I am an animal caretaker. I am a cook. I am a maid. I am a secretary. I am a (bad) accountant.

I have many names. Unfortunately, I only have 2 eyes, 2 arms (with 2 hands), 2 feet, and 1 brain. Despite this (dis)ability, I still have to get everything done, and I'm not sure of how to get it all done without ripping my hair out.

If you follow me on Twitter or read my personal blog, you know it's been quite the week for my poor kitty Ditto. There are a lot of issues going on with him, but nothing that's SO HUGE that we can't handle it. Yes, his bills are high, but we have the money to take care of him while still keeping our heads fairly above water. So why do I feel like I'm drowning and why am I crying ALL THE TIME?

Simple. Stress. I can't handle it. I cry, I scream, I complain a lot. I try to use my old tricks where I write, dance, or sing, but I don't have time to write, my body aches too much to walk much less dance, and... well, I still sing (mostly in the car or in the shower). Singing by itself won't reduce the mountain of stress that's falling on my head.

Normally, I'm an emotional eater. All this crap going on would have me running directly for the chocolate stash (which I threw out yesterday - go me!) but this time around? Not so much. Not because I'm not craving all things bad for me, but because I'M TOO TIRED. My body is drained, my mind is exhausted, and I can't handle it anymore. I haven't been eating perfect (Stouffer's family frozen dinners, mayo & turkey sandwiches, Dominos pizza...) but there's a silver lining in all this that I haven't been eating as crappy as before.

My weight hasn't changed much (according to my scale at home), so I'm praying when I go to the doctor today it's still ok.

How do you deal with stressful situations?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Update

Hi everyone!


I have a little news. The doctor had my films read by another radiologist and they both agreed that I should have a MRI done. When I explained to him that I have a metal plate in my neck and that I don't think I can have an MRI again he said he would have to check into that. WTH He's a friggin' doctor. Shouldn't he know these things? I really don't have much faith in this guy. 


I'm suppose to have my second opinion on Monday but I am going to have to reschedule since I am having a biopsy on Friday. Actually, they are going to biopsy all three spots. I'm not looking forward to it but the nurse assured me that the procedure is simple and relatively painless. At this point I really just want to find out whether they are benign or not. This has got me so stressed out I just want to know.


Anyway, that's all for now.


Here are my stats this week:

Starting weight: 210 lb

Last week: 196.8 lb

This week: 193.2 lb


I hope your all having a great week. Talk soon....

Monday, March 21, 2011

Break out of your rut and finding new motivation.

Physically and emotionally, I get stuck in ruts. I get so locked into doing something a certain way that if I can't do it exactly that way I just give up. This is especially true of exercise for me. For months I've been stuck in the Body Pump/Zumba routine. I had days I went to each and if I couldn't go at those set times I just blew it off and didn't. They are great workouts but not if you don't do them consistently.

My solution this past week has been to shake things up. Just get off my ass and go. It doesn't matter if I only get 20 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical, or if I get an hour of Body Pump. I just need to be sweating.

The last week or so my activity was as follows:

March 13th - 1 hour Body Pump + 45 min treadmill
March 14th - 20 min treadmill, 30 min elliptical
March 15th - 1 hour Body Pump + 15 min elliptical
March 17th - 20 min elliptical
March 18th - 10 min treadmill, 30 min elliptical
March 19th - 10 min treadmill, 30 min elliptical
March 20th - 50 min elliptical

Previous to this week I'd only done maybe a maximum of 20 minutes on the elliptical, giving up as soon as my toes went numb. I don't know why this week was different, but I pushed through it and was able to hit 30 minutes and then pushed myself for 50 last night.

Maybe the difference is motivation? Without a doubt I am doing this for myself, but as someone who has issues of self worth.... sometimes that isn't good enough. Sometimes I forget that I deserve this, that I am worth it. It's hard to force yourself to stay on track when you are telling yourself you aren't worth it. In those times I need external motivation, I need rewards. I have a new one that has put a smile on my step and given me a determination I've not previously held.  I've done rewards in the past... a pair of shoes here, a tattoo there.... they sometimes work and sometimes do not. This one is different as it's not something I buy, its something less material. A chance to open myself up and explore what I want. It is something I deserve. I'm sorry, I'm probably being frustratingly vague simply because its so personal.

Anyway, because of this new reward, I'm changing my ticker.... I've lost 22 lbs since starting #twitloss, and a bit over 30 since starting this journey on my own previous to that. I want to lose another over the next 3-6 months.

Sometimes things just click. Maybe mine finally has?




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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sorry

Sorry I didn't post last week. Things have been a little bit crazy. I went in for my well woman appointment because I hadn't been since 2008 (I know - I'm bad). Anyway, I went in to get a checkup and also to let my nurse practitioner know that I found a lump in my right breast. Long story short she sent me for a mammogram since I've never had one. She said that when you turn 40 (I'm 39) women are suppose to get one every year. Yay! Not! She seemed to think the lump was a cyst but wanted me to have the mammogram as a precaution.


I got my results back Monday afternoon. The lump that she thought was a cyst actually turned out to be a mass. I have a total of 3 masses in my right breast and a few cysts. I can't begin to tell you how freaked out I have been since then.


I went late Monday afternoon to see a surgeon. He was over an hour late to our appointment and spent a total of 5 minutes with me. He believes two of the masses are benign but one of them he's not sure whether it is benign or malignant. 


He tells me he wants another radiologist to read the films and that he will call me once he has that done. No, I'll go ahead and see you back in a week. Just I'll call you. Obviously I did not like this guy at all. His people skills really sucked and his personality was horrible. I really wish I could find a woman doctor. In fact once I hear back from this guy, I'm going to get a second opinion.


The nurse practitioner told me that I would have to get a needle biopsy done on the three masses and this guy hasn't mentioned a thing about that. I don't know. I'm sort of confused, freaked out and dumbfounded about this entire thing. The doctor tells me "Don't worry about this" but how can I not worry? I have 3 lumps in my breast ranging from 1.1 cm to 2.9 cm's along with several cysts. I think I have a valid reason to worry.


Anyway, that's pretty much what's going on with me.  This past weekend I pretty much ate everything I wanted. I've been so stressed out that I really have not been sticking to the eating healthy thing. I'm still going to the gym and Monday I started doing better with my eating habits. I'll just be glad when I know for sure exactly what I'm dealing with here.


Here are my stats this week:

Starting weight: 210 lb

Last week: 194.0 lb

This week: 196.8 lb



Friday, March 11, 2011

writing the weight away

There was a study recently showing that keeping a food journal can actually help you double the weight you lose. No really. I swear. Don't believe me? Here's the article.

The idea is that you keep yourself accountable with a food journal and it helps you to keep your diet on track. Too many people (myself included) have a habit of cheating, even if it's "just a little bit" (also guilty). So keeping an honest journal (once again: guilty) helps you to drop more weight than you would if you weren't keeping a journal.
Personally, I think this is a fabulous idea, and I'm going to give it a ('nother) try. :)
Spring Break is next week, and Monkey and I are going to be together the entire week. Rather than holing ourselves up in the house (where I will inevitably get bored and hit up the pantry... repeatedly), I'm going to take her to the park, the zoo, the aquarium... ok, maybe not the aquarium. It's expensive and she's afraid of the building. Or the fish. Or something. Ask Trelaina. She'll back me up on this. Anyway, I'll be toting my trusty Food Journal Notebook (as soon as I buy one) everywhere, because I know I'll forget something if I don't carry it with me all the time.
Do you keep a food journal?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Weekly Check In...

Hello all! Well, since I am not talking about the blood clot, there isn't much to say. :D I am still not really exercising and you ca imagine the eating is kind of out the window right now. I am using the diet shakes again, but that is mostly because I shouldn't have too much vitamin K, and it is really hard to do easy lunches without my standby salad. So, on the upside I may do better because of the shakes. LOL!

As always, I want to remind you all that if you would like to guest blog, just contact us at the email address posted on the bottom of this page. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to have something more interesting to post than my whining about my blood clot. :) Hope everyone is having an awesome week!

Monday, March 7, 2011

I just ate a brownie.

And after doing so what was the first thing that popped into my head? "Argh, I've been a seriously #twitloss slacker. I need to write something. I totally have something!"

So, here I am.

The last few weeks I have bounced up and down, gaining 5 lbs, losing 5lbs .... really I'm hovering about where I was the last time I posted. And really I have no good reason for it. I sit and think about it and I know that in 6 months I will be sitting in almost the same place, once again thinking about it and wondering why I didn't get my act together the last time.  The only difference is that I would have wasted another 6 months of my life

le sigh.

I could come up with an entire list of excuses ranging from school to family problems, but they are all just excuses. I talk like I am putting myself first but really... I'm still laying the guilt trip on and beating myself over the head with sabotage because I seem to think I deserve it.

So, how do I changed it? I actually brought this up with the therapist I am seeing (along with the husband).... and she asked the hard questions. Why? Because I'm scared. What if I get to goal and I'm still not satisfied. What if I put in the effort and I'm still unhappy. Where do I go then?  The unknown and the fear of putting in the work and still failing scares me to death. Besides that I still think I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to love myself.

*frown*

I was hoping for an easy answer from her. Something that would click and my world would be better. All she had for me were questions....  What would it feel like to succeed? If I get there and am still unhappy, then what? How am I worse off than I am now? The truth is, I can't be worse off can I? I may be unhappy still but that is no different than now... I'd just be a healthier unhappy.

So. That is my internal challenge to myself. I want to know what it feels like to succeed.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Get back up again

I've been utter fail at Twitloss this week. Normally, I'll at least try to walk a little or something, but with how bad my back and knees have been hurting, I've been sitting on my butt and twiddling my thumbs... or rubbing my knee and begging God to give me some relief.

I've slowed down on all the eating I've been doing thanks to the Lithium, which is a blessing. But... I've been cheating pretty bad on the kinds of foods I've been eating. Wednesday was such a crap day for me that I had Poofy Cheetos and wine for dinner. Last night I made hot dogs for Monkey and boudin for me. I had a salad beforehand, so at least there's that. But then Monkey & I made brownies and I had 3 small ones.

According to the bathroom scale, I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. I feel like I'm stagnating and it's pissing me off.

I have gotten most of the corner I plan on putting my elliptical in cleaned out and am going to make PK take the other boxes that are sitting there away so that I can finally set up the damned elliptical and actually get back on this horse I keep falling off of.

How are you doing with your weight loss journey?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

#Clotpocolypse the End is Nigh!

I swear I will shut up about this soon. The blood clot...is not as bad as they thought. Apparently it is not in the femoral vein, so that means I am back on the Coumadin and waiting for the next 3-6 months. This was all decided by that veinogram the doctors ordered. So, I am hoping to start walking in the next few days. Which is great news! I really am actually looking forward to moving again. The hardest part will be that one of my diet staples- leafy greens -are off the diet for now. Technically I can still have them but I have to eat them consistently and that is not how I usually work. I of course am not cutting all sources of vitamin K out, but I am trying to keep it to small doses so the blood thinners have the ability to work fully. Anyway, that is the latest and I want to say I really appreciate everyone's prayers and good vibes. I hope now life can get back to some semblance of normalcy as I try to get #Twitloss back on track.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I did it!!!!


Last week I met my goal of running a mile straight without stopping. Although it wore me out, I had the biggest smile on my face when I was done. My new goal is to increase my speed. Right now it's sort of a jog so I'm hoping to increase that into a faster run but it's a mile!!!!!

I know to some of you running a mile straight isn't that much. At the beginning of the year when I started going to the gym I couldn't walk out to the end of my driveway to get the mail and I was out of breath. So I'm really excited and proud of myself that I met my goal. Smoking really messed my breathing up and I'm so glad I don't smoke anymore.

Anyhow,  I worked with my trainer today. I'm working with her on Monday's and Wednesday's and starting next week I'm adding Friday to the mix.

Her workouts are really hard but I'm not giving up. I may have to take a second to get my breath but I get right back at it. I loathe doing squats and this exercise called The Plank. If you don't know what that is you can check it out here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHQmRINu4jU

Here are my stats this week:

Starting weight: 210 lb

Last week: 196.2 lb

This week: 196.8 lb

No change weight wise but my trainer assured me that when you strength train you add muscle which of course weighs more than fat so you might not actually drop pounds but you'll lose inches. Monday she's going to take new measurements and I'll get to see how much I've changed in the last month or so.

Hope your having a great week so far.
 

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